Why Getting What You Want Can Make You Feel Like a Fraud

Understanding imposter syndrome, unworthiness, and how to move forward anyway

I had a session with my therapist this week.

We went through the usual terrain: core wounds, relational patterns, the nagging insecurities I’ve carried for years how to effectively blend my spiritual world with my real world. Then he asked a deceptively simple question:

“When in your life have you felt most insecure?”

As I answered, a strange pattern emerged.

It wasn’t during the failures.

It was during the moments of success.

When I was in love.

When my work received recognition.

When I was at my healthiest.

That’s when the doubt would creep in, subtle but relentless.

“You don’t deserve this.”

“You’ve fooled everyone.”

“Any day now, they’ll figure it out.”

It was unsettling. The realization that the better my life looked on paper, the more fraudulent I felt inside.

This is what the Buddhist Psychotherapist and author Tara Brach calls the trance of unworthiness. She describes it as a “pervasive sense of falling short,” a belief formed early in life and reinforced by culture, family, or comparison. Over time, it becomes the background noise of our lives, so familiar that we mistake it for truth.