Begin Again

The Radical Power of Starting Over (and Over)

(Image: Marcus Oakley, 2024)

Lately, I’ve been slipping in my meditation practice.

It started with a few nights of broken sleep. Waking up at 3am, mind racing.

By sunrise, I’d already spent an hour scrolling on my TikTok. That one decision set the rhythm for the rest of the day.

First came the dopamine chase: phone, then sugar, then some random distraction I told myself was important. By nightfall, I’d done a hundred things but hadn’t touched what really mattered. I’d skipped my morning sit. Again. Eaten something I probably shouldn’t have. And more than the missed routine, what stung was the sense of breaking a commitment to myself.

Side note: Turns out using your phone first thing in the morning creates ADHD like symptoms in your brain for the rest of the day (Alter, Adam. Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked. (2017))

So then the next morning: you wake up. You say, not today. But you reach for your phone anyway. You scroll. You feel flat. You eat something you didn’t plan to. Skip the workout. Forget to sit. And the thought creeps in…I’ve blown it.

But here’s the truth I forget. Maybe you do too: You can always begin again.

In meditation, this isn’t just a nice idea, it’s the whole point.

The mind wanders. You notice. You come back.
That’s it. Not a perfect, unbroken stream of awareness.
Not some polished version of you who never forgets.
You will forget.

The practice is the return.

In Buddhism, that return is often called remembering.
In Tibetan, the word for meditation is gom which means to familiarize, or more poetically, to remember.

To begin again is to remember:
To breathe, to notice, to return to presence.

And this is not just true on the cushion.
It’s true in your life.
In your relationships.
In the promises you make to yourself.

We drift. We get lost. We mess up.
We remember. We come back.

That return? That’s where the freedom lives.

Your brain is built for this.

There’s science behind this too.

Researchers call it the fresh start effect. The way we naturally feel more motivated to change after a clean break or temporal landmark: Mondays, birthdays, the first of the month.

But meditation reminds us: you don’t need to wait for a new week.

The breath is always here. The moment is always ready.

The brain doesn’t learn through perfection, it learns through repetition. Dopamine doesn’t just reward achievement. It responds to effortful engagement.

Every time you bring your attention back, even after distraction, you reinforce a neural pathway that says: this matters. And this coming back to what matters, creates more moments spent… on what matters.

Beginning again isn’t some fallback plan. It is the path.

Begin again in your body.

This isn’t just about meditation.

You can begin again at the dinner table, on your yoga mat in the way you open your phone.

Ate something that you know you shouldn’t? Fine. Next time. Begin again.

Skipped your practice? Light a candle. Take one breath. The day isn’t over.

Reached for your phone out of habit? Notice how it felt. Put it down. Begin again.

Modern wellness loves to sell the myth that you need to be perfect to be healthy. I’m here to tell you that change is not linear. That missing a day means you’ve failed. Moreso, that you are a failure.

But the truth is: change is a spiral. Growth doubles back. Loops. Falters.

The most important shift isn’t what you do next, but how you relate to what is happening.

Drop the shame. Keep the intention.

Self-criticism might feel like discipline, but it’s usually just punishment in disguise.

Researcher Kristin Neff has shown that self-compassion not shame is what helps people actually make sustainable change.

Why? Because compassion creates safety. And safety is what allows the nervous system to try again.

It’s not about giving up. It’s about giving yourself a shot at staying.

Spiritual practice asks us to stay with ourselves, especially when we fall short.

Not with rigidity. But with the kind of maternal love we always wanted.

But also, hold yourself accountable.

Here’s the thing: sometimes we let ourselves off too easy.

I’ll start Monday.

I’ll meditate when I feel better.

I’ll eat better once work slows down.

You know the story. There’s a difference between being kind and being avoidant.

This is where the idea of fierce compassion comes in. Tibetan Buddhists talk about this as the energy that cuts through your own bullsh!t.

It’s the kind of love that holds you to the fire, not to punish, but to wake you up.

Fierce compassion says: you’ve been stuck here long enough.

It’s time to move. Not later. Now.

Three ways to begin again, this week:

1. Start small. Really small.

Don’t try to overhaul your whole life overnight.

Can’t face a full workout? Just walk around the block or stretch for a few minutes.

Too tired to meal prep? Eat one green thing today. Or order something healthy.

Can’t sit for half an hour? Meditate for 5 minutes. Or do some gentle breathwork.

These small, seemingly insignificant acts, they’re signals. They tell your body, your nervous system, your spirit: we’re back.

Set a simple goal for the next 24 hours. Then stretch it to 72. Don’t aim for forever. Just aim for now.

2. Name the moment.

Literally say it: I’m beginning again.

It may sound silly, but naming the moment gives it weight. It marks a shift and acts like your own personal coach in your head.

You’re not just drifting into a better choice, you’re stepping into it.

Language shapes experience. By naming the beginning, you create it.

3. Remember your why.

When I was sick, really sick, meditation became non-negotiable. Not because I was disciplined, or I loved it, but because it was the only thing that helped.

I had tried everything else. I was desperate to feel human again. That was my why. It held me in place, even when I didn’t want to sit.

But here’s the thing: our whys change over time. They soften, shift, lose intensity or importance.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Maybe it means you’re evolving.

Maybe now your why is that you’re tired of waking up wired at 3am and feeling useless at work.

Maybe you want to be a little less reactive with your partner.

Maybe you’re getting older, and you know that healthy food, movement, presence adds up to time. Time with your kids. Your friends. Yourself.

You don’t have to wait for Monday. Or a birthday. Or rock bottom.

You don’t have to fix your whole life before you start living it.

You don’t have to be perfect to be present.

You just have to come back.

To this moment. To this choice.

Begin again.