How to meditate when you're anxious

Tools to help you navigate life when you're overwhelmed by your mind.

(Image by Davide Shrigley)

I came to meditation after a string of personal crises. I worked in marketing and advertising and was constantly distracted, my mind would wander incessently, my palms would clam up and I was constantly stricken with a fear of being exposed, all of this — before 9am.

On top of that my sleep wasn’t great, in-fact I would toss and turn with aggression throughout the night and sometimes not fall asleep at all. My days felt like one relentless ordeal after another, filled with a sense of being on the edge. Looking back at that time, I realized I had probably suffered anxiety for quite a number of years before a doctor finally told me I had an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in the US. On average, 1 in 4 people — 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men — will experience anxiety. Chances are if you’re reading this, you have had or are experiencing anxiety in your life. Anxiety is a real pain in the ass. It’s the feeling of constantly trying to dispel irrational thoughts and unparalleled crises that never happen. It causes a sense of urgency that isn’t often required and at times a feeling of fear that literally takes over one’s whole body, leaving you paralysed with a sense of dread. When you’re deep in the trenches of anxiety’s grip, you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

But there is. There is now compelling evidence that certain diets, certain exercises, holistic treatments / supplements, cognitive behavioral therapy and psychedelic therapy as well as lifestyle changes can significantly reduce and your anxiety. I tried all of the above (except psychedelics) and what worked for me was a combination of a few of them, but primarily it was the practice of meditation.

Meditation and anxiety seem like uncanny bedfellows. After all how the hell can you stay calm and focus when your mind is telling you to do the very oppostite. But the truth is many who turn to the practice of meditation, particularly Buddhist meditation or Mindfulness, come from some degree of mental, physical or emotional suffering. However, trying to empty your mind of thoughts and just be calm in the face of anxious and outrageous thoughts seem like an impossible task. That’s because it is.

The Buddhist perspective on dealing with anxiety doesn’t prescribe avoidance or numbing as a methodology. Instead it challenges us to sit with, create compassionate space for and face our anxious mind and it’s contents.

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”
― Pema Chödrön,

So many of us turn to practices like meditation because we have no where else to turn to. We’ve tried the diets, the pills, the green juices — all at various times helpful, but have realized that they seem offer only temporary fixes.

So the first thing you need to know when you embark on meditation with your anxiety is that sometimes, meditation is the worst thing you can do. If you’re experiencing traumatic anxiety or PTSD, trying meditation might not be the wisest option first up. Perhaps working with physical exercise, conversations with your friends or therapists is the more beneficial to begin. But for every day anxiety, the kind most of us feel, meditation can be a profoundly helpful - if not transformative. Instead of trying to avoid events, experiences and people that cause us anxiety — we can begin to arm ourselves with a protective layer of confidence to meet such moments.

Where could I possibly find enough leather
To cover the surface of the thorny earth?
Yet leather on the soles of my shoes
Is as good as covering the entire earth

— Shantideva

The first place to begin is to recognise that your anxiety isn’t who you are. It’s something you experience the is impermanent in nature, just like a common cold, a delicious bagel or a warm sunny day. Sure you might have had it for a while so it feels like it’s intrinsically you — but it’s not. Neither is the “you” but let’s leave that for another time.

If you’re dealing with anxiety and want to meditate, here’s few tips to help you get started

1. Feel the feelings, but drop the story. This means don’t create or be sucked into the narrative about your experience “I’m not good at this” “I’m too anxious” “Maybe it’s just not for me” “I’m broken” etc. etc.

2. If your practice becomes too overwhelming and takes you to a dark place — stop. Look around the room, find a sense of grounding in a word, remembering a loved one or a special place will help.

3. If you’ve experiencing trauma related anxiety; be gentle and don’t investigate too much unless you’re working with a skilled and knowledgable teacher/therapist. Meet your edge and give it some space.

4. Don’t conclude, include. This means let the feelings be part of your practice — the bodily sensations; the sweat from your palms, the agitations in the body, then let the thoughts arise, as they will, telling you you’re wasting your time, it’s easier to give up now and walk away, again — these are just thoughts. You have agency as to how you respond. Never forget, you choose how you respond.

5. Don’t attempt a concentration based practice to begin. It’s a big ask to move from erratic, unreasonable thinking to clear comprehension straight away. So as a technique, begin with a more spacious approach. In Zen there is a practice called Shikanataz (non-doing/not thinking) but a secular and more distilled version of this is known as open-awareness practice. Here you are simply noticing what arises, you’re not focusing on one thing, but bringing awareness to everything. Notice sounds, smells, tastes. When we bring attention to the senses we begin to disrupt the thought loops of fear and anxiety and return ourselves to the moment, through the body.

6. Kindness. Perhaps the perfect antidote to anxiety is to meet it with gentleness. After all, anxiety is a protective response. It’s trying to shield you from harm, so don’t talk to it like you would a mortal enemy, treat it like a an old friend that’s just trying to help but is always coming around for tea. You love them so invite them in, let them stay for a while and then let them leave when they’re ready. Trying to kick them out is like telling yourself to stop listening to noise… you become more attuned to noise. So let your inner dialogue reflect this. Anxiety has never left us through self-hatred, but it has through self-compassion.

Probably the most important reminder I hope you take away from reading this newsletter is that you are not your anxiety. Repeating it for dramatic effect;

You. Are. Not. Your. Anxiety.

You are experiencing it. Frankly, we live in wild times, i’m surprised more people aren’t anxious. I know I am at times. Meditation is a wonderful tool to help us deal with and manage this crazy, beautiful, world we live in. But it’s not the panacea, control what you can control: a wholesome diet, regular exercise , good sleep, good social connections and a sense of meaning in our lives.

Let me know what you think? And share below any tips that have worked below.